Queen Elizabeth I lived it, Beyonce sang it, and now I’m writing it… be proud, single ladies!!
If you read my blog this morning on Parade.com, you know I expressed how frustrated I get when people assume I am not happy because I did not find love on The Bachelorette. As the lovely Ali Fedotowsky tweeted yesterday, “Shame on you for thinking a girl needs a man to be happy.” All this talk of single versus hitched & happy versus miserable really got me thinking back to my single days…. and, oh, there have been a LOT of them!!! The Bachelorette does put a lot of pressure to be in love, but, even though being in love is an incredibly wonderful experience, I truly believe there is nothing that feels better than being happy on your own. Like my wise wise mother always told me, you have so much more to give when you don’t need to find happiness in anyone else.
For those of you who are single, be proud & HAVE FUN!!! There are definitely some benefits to living in a YOU world!
– You don’t have to share any of the bacon in the morning… YUP all yours!
– You can flirt with the cute firefighter if you’re ever getting rescued (Careful with the candles there, girly….)
– You can have a zillion and one guy friends and no one will care.
– No one to nag, and no one nagging. PERIOD.
– You can be a selfish asshole & feel proud of it! Start putting yourself first: feel good about who you are and, before you know it, you will attract who you are looking for. (This was my FAVOURITE thing about being single…. is that bad???)
– You can do whatever the hell you want whenever the hell you want to. YEAH! None of your attached friends can say that, can they….. 😉
I’ve come across author & TV producer Maggie Dorf who wrote the book The Green Band and has started a way for single people to identify themselves to each other externally. She sells bracelets (a green band) that represents that you are single, sane, happy & looking! I LOVE this approach because it shows that you are PROUD to be single and allows you to be open to meeting people & getting up to tonnes of wonderful & crazy things!! And you get to put it out there without having to be the outgoing, I-will-talk-to-anyone kind of person… because, let’s face it, that’s not always easy!
To all my singles ladies… start a movement! Wear your green bracelet to let everyone know that you love being with YOU and, my bet is, you’ll find your perfect guy before you know it.
Be clear on what you need, and what you want. After an out of state move: left my home, job, friends and the general familiarity of my home base for sunshine and palm trees. I met someone before I was acclimated. I had read a relationship book that mentioned, “know your red flags, and if they surface at anytime during the relationship…. leave.” The man I met over the first 3 months on numerous occasions was deceitful. Rather than leaving, I maintained the relationship and was becoming insecure and walked around like I had a lump in my chest. I gave him numerous chances to change and be honest…. he told me everything I wanted to hear but his deceitful behaviors always prevailed. Then after a year and a half and living with the pain of his behavior, one more incident happened. I felt the floor give way below me, and a loud cracking sound, (the breaking of the camels back) because I knew I had given my all, communicated my needs, was open to change… progress, counseling… and nothing changed. One of my red flags is lying. Without honesty, there can be no trust, without trust there can be no foundation… it doesn’t matter if he was a great cook, did lawn work without being asked, always picked up the food tab, liked to spend time with me there can be no rooting. I have learned to never compromise core needs for general compatibility. When there is a need…. honor that….. wants can be negotiated.