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Relationship Advice from a Marriage Counsellor

5

Aug

2020

Jillian Harris

5 Relationship Losing Strategies and How to Fix Them

Good morning everyone!! For those of you that follow me on social media or read my blogs, you know I’m a pretty open book when it comes to sharing bits and pieces of my life. I like to keep some things private but for the most part, I love bringing you guys along with me on all of my journeys.

Over the last few months (especially during quarantine) I have been thinking a lot about relationship health. I’m sure many of you have either been going at it like rabbits … LOL, or have you been at each other’s throats? It’s safe to say that Justin and I have been doing a bit of both (lol…TMI?)!

A few weeks ago Sig Taylor (mine and Justin’s relationship counsellor) asked if he could share the 5 losing strategies that damage intimate relationships. He will follow up in another post with the 5 winning strategies to help improve communication with your S/O.

So, I will let Sig take it away and share these 5 strategies with you today!

Hi everyone. My name is Sig Taylor, I’m an online couples counsellor. Today I’m discussing the 5 losing strategies that cause conflict and relationship distress. Avoid these and you’ll save a lot of arguments. Next time I’ll share the 5 winning strategies which will help you stay connected… and in love.

If you missed my previous blog “5 Relationship Survival Strategies During Isolation” you can check that out here. While we may be slowly expanding our social circles these strategies can still apply!

We marry our baggage.

We are naturally attracted to partners that trigger us into the five losing strategies and become a different person, a younger, more immature part of ourselves takes us over. Which can make us start acting like a naive child – lashing out with anger, blaming, retaliation, sulking, arguing, etc. Sound familiar?

For example, if one of your parents was prone to angry outbursts, then you and/or your partner may do that. Or perhaps one of your parents gave you the “silent treatment.” Get it?

If you don’t examine and deal with these losing strategies, you’ll likely find yourself in an unhappy relationship. The good news is if you’re willing to do the work, your relationship can become a joyful opportunity for personal growth.

Relationship Losing Strategies

Check the ones that relate to you. I suggest you share these with your partner. Change starts with awareness.

1. Being right. Arguing about whose “reality” is right. You know what the “real issue” is and it’s all about proving your point.

Fix it: Who’s right? Who cares! Arguing about whose reality is correct has no place in intimate relationships.

2. Control. “Trying to get your S/O to be kinder, more open, listen, be different…”

Fix it: We can only control ourselves. You change and your relationship changes.

3. Unbridled self-expression. “I feel it so I have to tell you!” Anger, yelling, oversharing, etc.

Fix it: Healthy boundaries. You do not need to say everything that’s on your mind.

4. Retaliation. I’m hurt so I get to hurt you back. Being a victim.

Fix it: Stop blaming your partner for how you feel. You’re responsible for your own feelings.

5. Withdrawal. Shutting down, giving up, putting up a wall. Hopelessness or superiority.

Fix it:  Don’t settle for the status quo. Take leadership. Get help if you need to.

Well, there you have it. What doesn’t work and how to fix it. I’ll follow up next time with the 5 winning strategies

Sig Taylor

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  1. JANA MCLEAN says:

    great post Jilly! Informative but not too hardcore!!! LOL

binge ALL the latest JH posts

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