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all things LOVE, fashion, family, food, and home decor since 2009

24

Aug

2011

Jillian Harris

Ask Jillian: How Do I Get Over Him?

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“How do you get OVER him?” –Erin

Dear Erin,

I loved your question because it’s so simple and really lets us to talk about an issue that most people deal with at one point or another: how to get over a break up. First off, it’s never easy (and breaking up with your fiancé in the public eye is definitely not the definition of a good time) but the main component in getting over a relationship is a little, four letter word: time.

I know! I hate that fact as much as you do, but time really will heal a broken heart, I promise! In the meantime here are some other things you should be doing in order to move on in a healthy way.

1. Let it out. You know all that anger, sadness, disappointment and depression? Let it out however you can because all of that negativity will only weigh you down. So do what you need to do: cry and sulk for a week; talk your girlfriends’ ears off till your voice is hoarse; lay on the ground of your shower and mope around; you get what I’m saying… just do it because it’s healthy and if you skip this step you’ll have a hard time healing.

2. Focus on the happy. After you’ve let out all of those emotions it’s time to do your best to distract yourself and focus on happy stuff. This might be a bit of a fake-it-till-you-make-it sort of a process but I promise if you pack your schedule with things that make you happy you’ll spend less and less time thinking about your ex. So buy some good books; sign up for a new dance class; dive head first into a challenge at work and focus only on what makes you happy.

3. Keep your eyes forward. A huge part of getting over a past relationship is keeping your focus on the future instead of the past. While you’re working on getting yourself back to a happy place I recommend you do not allow yourself to longingly look back at the times you two had together. This means no Facebook stalking; no staring at pictures of the two of you; no reading old love letters; no driving past your favorite restaurant, etc. I know these are all tempting things but you will never get past the sadness of your breakup if you don’t block out the past and focus on the future. You will be so busy doing things that make you happy that eventually you’ll loose the urge to check in on your ex and you’ll be able to reflect with perspective instead of sadness.

4. Find the silver lining. I’m a firm believer that every failure and hardship comes with an important life lesson. I’ve been lucky enough to have some amazing blessings thrown my way, but I’ve also dealt with a bunch of frustrating things as well! I like to think that life is less about what happens to us, and more about how we deal with what happens to us. When Ed and I broke up I had two options: become bitter and resentful of the media and the pressures of being in the public eye, or turn my experience on The Bachelorette into something positive and beneficial. I hope you guys can see which route I’ve decided to take! Though myBachelorette experience is a unique one, I’m sure there is a silver lining in this experience for you too. It might be as simple as learning what you really need in a relationship or finally being brave enough to move to a new city or take on new adventures. Whatever the lesson is I know you’ll move on beautifully and gain a lot of wisdom from your breakup!

Please let me know how it goes Erin!

How have you healed after a breakup? Share your number one tip below!

Image source: A Few Things From My Life

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